Once again I have the motivation to write and apologising for being on a hiatus. but can’t get the words out quick enough. Its been nearly 5 months now since my last post and my website and blog have been active one year.
Since I started this blog I’ve come to the conclusion that I have minimal discipline and writers block.
I made some free time and I would use this to my advantage to create content and put something out there in the world.
From a young age I have suffered from mental health issues, however despite being in the child’s mental health services for 10 years I never got any formal diagnosis other than a list of symptoms. I’m now 19 and have been paying to see a therapist for about 4 months and I say he has helped me cope with my issues more than i ever got from the mental health services.
With his help I have become more of a confident person because I have learnt to momentarily pull myself mentally from a situation and evaluate its outcomes, instead of making rash decisions which would have caused me to be worse off. Acquiring this skill, I believe has been the key to my success recently, as I’m able to stop my impulsive actions (for example, in instances when I have received negative comments about myself, instead of lashing out, I ignore them and treat them like I didn’t hear the comment), and make good choices to make me happy.
Despite not practicing Buddhism I associate with it a lot and I believe in Karma, and Yin and Yang. most people know what karma is but not many know about Yin Yang
This symbol represents the good and bad. the white half means good, the black half means bad (I don’t believe it was a race thing but i can understand why people would be offended), the white dot represents the good in bad and the black dot vice versa. I definitely believe in this because your positive action could have a negative impact on yourself or someone else.
I think through my therapy sessions and realizing what I believe in I’ve become a happier person. I think a lesson to learn is you have to learn about yourself inside and out before you can truly be happy and make good decisions.
Yesterday (at time of writing this) I experienced my first experience of bigotry in public since coming out.
I was having a great day with my boyfriend we had just gone to the beach to relax for a bit and eat lunch, we had a great time we had a great time chatting and watching the waves crash on the pebbles in front of us. We was walking home and we crossed through the train station as it was quicker than walking the long way round. we get to the gate to get in to the station and lumps of bread started raining over the platform which seemed really odd but I didn’t think too much of it. We crossed over the bridge to get to the second platform and was just chatting about how we were hiring at one of my jobs. and we take our first step on the platform and one lad, out of a group of three and one girl, says ‘Looks like we have a couple of faggots.’ I knew he was speaking to us as we were the only other people on the platform. I don’t know what made him assume we were gay as we had not displayed any forms of affection.
He proceeded to say, ‘do either of you gay boys want a bagel?’ as he threw bits of bagel at our backs. In that moment I knew they were the people throwing food at the other platform, but we ignored them and kept walking back towards my home. The one guy continued to throw food at us reciting what I assume was the only three words he knew to call gay people. which were faggot, gay boy and bender.
This was not only my first experience of bigotry since coming out but it also was my first experience of harassment. I posted a disgruntled post on the Facebook group for local people and it seemed to get a positive response with people saying that they were surprised that this has happened because they thought as a town we were really forward thinking and for this to come from a young person really shocking. A lot of people told me to keep my head up and to not let it get to me. But a very minute amount of people tried poking holes in my story and one or two siding with the bigots.
I learnt from this experience that ignoring those who preach hate makes you a bigger person because you don’t sink to their level. Another thing I learnt was that for person that hates who you are there are more who are accepting and will love you for you quirks.
One thing my therapist has told me which I keep with me at all times is that you have to decide in the moment whether it is your problem and if it is deal with, if not ignore it. He has also said a lot of people try to make their problem other peoples’, so they have to deal with it less.
You have to decide in the moment whether it is your problem and if it is deal with, if not ignore it.
Thank you for reading, Enjoy the rest of your day wherever you are.
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