headaches and high notes (a return to writing)

Once again I have the motivation to write and apologising for being on a hiatus. but can’t get the words out quick enough. Its been nearly 5 months now since my last post and my website and blog have been active one year.

In my hiatus I’ve been trying to navigate my way out of a cycle that has caused me a lot of heartache, I’d like to think I’m finding my way out but this could be and probably is the peak before the trough. and it being quiet at what I thought would just be a summer job, means i have a lot for free time which is never a  good for a depression suffer who’s mind wanders. *

*more on this later

I’ve been learning more about myself everyday, for example I have a phobia of being alone of the dark, this obviously doesn’t matter when I’m in bed.  but I realised this because I hate closing up at work because it is dark, especially now it is becoming darker earlier. But i was reading online about the phobia of being alone isn’t because you are alone and because you don’t know who else is there. and that’s when it clicked that is what i suffer with because 1) I watch too many slasher films. 2) I work somewhere quite secluded and when I close up it is really dark. The stress I get from this situation I can’t escape causes migraine so I either get home and have a couple paracetamol or a rum & coke.

I started singing more. Mostly in my  car because that’s my bubble and if I let you in my car, you are blessed with the knowledge that I trust you enough to sing around you. In  my hiatus 2 artists I adore released new albums after long breaks from music (I’m not talking about Taylor Swift). so i had new material to learn the lyrics to.

Back to the first part though, I’ve been speaking to someone for a good time and we have a connection. but my mind runs and when he doesn’t message me back I freak out but I know they are fine and probably haven’t read it. but when I have seen they has seen it. irritates me but they probably are just busy.

 

Anyway Thank you if you read this. enjoy your day

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